How can you take care of your patient if you are not taking care of yourself?

 Last May.....            

 I hit my breaking point which ultimately led to me being out of work for 3 months before being able to return. I had all the warning signs leading up to this. Going through personal issues at home, worrying about finances, kids, lack of time, and total disregard for my mental health. 

As Nurses I find that we get so immersed in solving every problem, putting out every fire, and we neglect our mental health. We neglect personal care, we work through breaks, we barley touch our water bottles. We jump to every patient and we multi-task and make time for everything but ourselves.  We spend most of our time at work with our peers and patients. Even more so than our own families. 

We have to find a balance.. I wish I did. Back in May, things came crashing down for me, I wont get into all the details but I thought I was Superman. Impervious to bullets, stronger than sleep, and fixer of all things. The warning signs were there..

My energy was low at work, I was giving 50% of what I use to give to my patients. Then calling out of work happened. The frequency of the call outs increased.  Waking up 20 mins later than I used to for work became a pattern. Then anger ensued, I was no longer the nurse that was always smiling, I was the nurse that was always sighing. At this point I knew I was in trouble. I was so depressed, and a day did not go by where I thought about just quitting. 

As  Nurses,  we tend to feel like we can fix everything  on our own. Or we feel like I am the only one going through turmoil, everyone seems so happy. We forget that despite the capes that we put on every day, we are human. The best thing I could've done for my patients at this time was walk away. 

So I did just that I walked away and started to heal. I found someone to talk to first. Someone neutral you can vent with is such a weight lifted of your shoulders. I began to eat better, sleep longer, and got into a nice workout routine. During this time, I made time for doctors appointments, delved into hobbies that I've given up along the way. I found Matthew again!

Find your balance, find your peace. Know when to step away and trust the process. I had my worries, I was scared about finances and bills etc. There was no way I could function in my role as a caregiver if I'm that strained. So I gave all I had for myself, I am a better nurse because of it today.  You are not alone, your job will be waiting for you when you get back. You will have support, just be honest to yourself and honest to
those who need to know.....